Easter: where did that Spring from?

Back in the blogging chair again. It is some time since I last typed anything longer and more considered than an email. What's been happening? I can hear you clammering through the ethernet. Baited breaths gasp as you all tremble at the mere thought of Huxley's latest revelations.

Family and friends have all been fantastic - really appreciated - when you have difficulties you know who are on your side! Lovely.

Well - to disappoint you - there are few. Since the "horrors" of the chemo slipped away I've been on a slow but steady climb towards some semblance of  wellness. My word! Blogger doesn't like my language! - three red squiggly underlines in the first two paragraphs. I just call it creative spelling.

Health Bulletin

I'll get the medical stuff out of the way first. Physically, when drugs aren't involved, apart from throat and breathing discomforts the problem has been fatigue. My gums seem to have shrunk and as Jasper Carrott once said, "my teeth itch" I seem to have sleeps three times a day. The pattern seems to be: - five or six hours big sleep  at night, about half an hour mid morning nap after breakfast and a nice relaxed drowse after lunch for ten to twenty minutes. Oh my - I've suddenly got old!!

The real difficulties - I think I've alluded to these before - are cognitive. How many times in a day can I lose my glasses? My adviser calls it "chemo-brain" Concentration, memory, problem-solving and patience - all gone down the pan!! Well, I suppose they will come back - but it's a bit of a worry. The dizziness and tinnitus have eased as the weeks have gone on; which is great.

I have been mithering about the  philosophy of being ill - or probably, more correctly, the psychological impact of being ill and coping with the changes that disease bring to one's lifestyle, life expectancy and frame of mind. As you will have observed - I ramble on! I get plagued by this internal mental corkscrew of gibberish. It's a minor neurosis but it can be troublesome unless checked. 

It happens more frequently when I feel slightly improved and is probably rooted in the feelings of guilt either genetically or observationally inherited from my father. He just kept working; even when he was terminally ill and pretty much on his death bed - he would be asking for messages to be passed to work when he had some idea in his head he thought they should know. I know, at least, when I'm ill and being treated I can do nothing. However, when I feel better I think that I should be doing, achieving, sorting-out - in other words - what I've done pretty much all my adult life. 

Another "however" - I have to keep healthy and avoid any infections. This pretty much means avoiding people. To those who thought I was an ignorant, aloof, grumpy old  man - you're possibly right! this has caused me to experience Cabin Fever. Terrible really as I like (or used to) my own company and space. But I was getting really extra grumpy about being required to be an outsider. I think I had come to the conclusion that I had to get out or get crazy. While Kym was out I teased my bike into action and went for a little ride. Fine I thought - this is just great. Until I realised that I had got to where I was - Cycle King to get a new saddle - and I now had to get back. I'd forgotten that cycling is a physical activity and I'd burned myself out!! I just managed to get home before she came back and I'd regained my cool, calm composure!

Slightly chastened I realised that exercise must be less strenuous to be more effective and suitable. Tai Chi - was recommended and I can certainly support that. I've been following a short eight minute routine from Youtube (link below)

Tai Chi

He speaks a little quickly but after a few sessions you get used to it. I feel somewhat more flexible. The concentration helps my brain too.

Trying to "do" things

Thinking about a clear out and the need to perhaps raise a few quid for the lean times ahead I decided to sell some surples stock on Ebay - I am an above average performer I will have you know - 100% positives for several hundred trades. Well to cut out the bad language and tears - I goofed! I did not realise that I am now an International Shipper (where did that come from?) Two of my higher priced items were sold to gentlemen in Spain. I had no idea of what to do next - I tried emails, the on-line chat and all to no avail. My blood pressure went up and my patience went down. It had taken me pretty much a whole week to pack the things up and all that sort of stuff. I managed to get dispatched all the UK items via myHermes and the Post Office. But I had to cancel the deals with the Spanish gentlemen. Mind you, one of them never confirmed the purchase. P.S. if anyone wants an older MacBook Pro (aluminium model) pretty serviceable and quite nice to use - please contact me via the email (at the end) or the comments box.

The whole episode shows me that the "chemo-brain" has taken over and I'm pretty much useless for much of anything for now!!

I even tried my hand a a bit of brewing and that went wrong - first batch in several years to have to be poured in the cat's bowl (just kidding Kym!) Thing is I don't actually know what went wrong.

Kym let me drive (more or less just around the block) - first time for three months. It wasn't too bad actually - I could remember which pedal to use and whatever. Saw Caitlin out and about too.

About the only thing I've actually started and finished is this Blog - and I wanted to write it at least once a fortnight. I've got treatment this week so you won't hear anything for a couple of weeks at least - although we can't dismiss a miracle - think of Easter!

Easter, Spring and Creativity

In the title I mentioned Easter and Spring. Well a little of the appreciation and significance of both.

Joy! Easter, I believe as a Christian, is the greatest celebration of the calendar. Without the yearly commemoration of the death of Jesus and celebration of His amazing resurrection each Spring has little meaning. Nature is mirrored in the cycle of life, death and new life. God raised Jesus to, be revealed , not only to those first Disciples, but also to us and to future generations. Life goes on with hope and love. I've not witnessed well - but briefly.

Our Church window Easter display - what used to take and evening - took all week! 

We managed Church for the first time since we had our "news". It was so good to see people and they respected my space and condition by not getting to close - but it seems they have been reading my Blog - so I hope I kept it clean and didn't let too many of my skeletons out of the cupboard. But God knows . . .  yes God knows!

RMH in a "cross" mood!

I wasn't really impressed by the TV content for Easter - with two exceptions. Firstly David Suchet's two part film following in the footsteps of St Peter gave a different perspective to the Big Fisherman. He seemed to have been taken over by the medieval church in Rome and his whole essence and nature turned into something plaster and lifeless. He was a person like us with our doubts, fears, fallacies and frailties. He was filled with the power of God which enabled him to lead and reach out to people beyond the ability of a mere mortal. He was nowhere near the pomp and riches of any institution. His life in the power of the Holy Spirit was far more significant than his status or death.Secondly David Threlfall's excellent Noah was also human - a long way from either Russell Crowe's creation or the Sunday School song of "Who built the Ark? Noah, Noah!" He was closer to Frank Gallagher (minus the swearing, drug-taking, fornication, alcoholism, laziness,  . . . .) than either of those. Pretty Shameless really! And he added fussiness to the list of human qualities probably ascribed to Simon Peter the fisherman from Galilee. It's funny that both of these characters are remembered for acts on the waters!

I think you should try and watch them - they should be available on the iPlayer for some time to come; if you have that facility.

Writing the number down!

We had a beautiful trip out on Easter Monday - throwing caution to the wind we toddled off to Leighton Buzzard and had a trip on the Narrow Gauge Railway - excellent! I'm most grateful for Kym indulging my weakness for things covered in coal dust, oil and puffing steam. The weather was kind and the place was pretty well packed. I made a short video to remind us. This is the first piece of lasting creativity I've done in months. See below.

The short movie shows how they loaded the quarried sand at the Stonehenge Sandpits (Leighton Buzzard)

Now for something completely different!
A poem: by Lebogang Mashile - (click on her name to hear her reading it) Thanks Anna.

. . . . Our future hangs on the present’s legacies

Life is a puzzle held together by the air we breathe

If hope were breathe, we every second of time 

We could conceive

Of a life where love is not betrayed by mirages 

Of concrete hierarchies 

And other fallacies . . . .

She reads it with a beautiful rhythm. 

In Tune: Musical section

In the last post I promoted the music of Townes Van Zandt - a troubled troubadour. This post I'm going to do something similar. 

Harry Chapin. He was considered to be the great storytelling singer-songwriter. He came to my attention in the late 1970's. I recall him on the Old Grey Whistle Test or Sight and Sound in concert - something like that. I knew he'd written some of my favourite songs - "Cats in the Cradle", "All my life's a circle", "W.O.L.D", "Flowers are Red", and many more. I knew he'd been killed in a car crash in the early 1980's. I knew that he did good charitable work. But - the man - was quite largely forgotten to me. I also recall he looked similar to my (then) friend Roger Ackroyd. Little else.

At the risk of alienating my great friend Andrew Waller - who encourages me to listen to new music  - or at least to musicians who remain alive or not collecting their state pension! Here below are a couple of links to some stuff about Harry. I think you could possibly say - "I'm just mad about Harry"! Not that one who's still in One Direction! 

Harry Chapin: a life in music (film)

Cat's in the Cradle

Flowers are Red

I hope that you investigate some of Harry's music and stories - he's infectious.

Another musical gem which bonds two of my obsessions Railways and Graham Parker! Graham Parker and the Rumour have a new album out in May - I announced last month - Mystical Glue. The track on display below - Railroad Spikes is accompanied by a great new video. At last after several decades of pretty certain obscurity a record company id finally getting behind him. "Woo hoo"! have a listen.

Railroad Spikes Graham Parker & The Rumour - you have to wait for the ad to play first

Well that's about all for now folks. I have really felt some recovery going on and look forward to the sunny slopes of  remission in the Summer. I know there are many challenges to come and some pain to reach the gain, but God willing, with friends and family we'll be there to have another celebration. 

Please use the comments or email me  - roger@kymandroger.co.uk roger@kymandroger.co.ukto keep in touch. Both of us really appreciate you being there for us.

by for now!

Roger and Kym