Almost the end of this difficult year we've been given!

Well 2015 has been the gift that has continued to give throughout. We've had some of the higher highs and most definitely the lower lows. But we have to approach its end with rejoicing and celebration. It wasn't as we chose it's events but we reap its benefits.

I've written much about my disease and healing - long may the healing continue! I still feel unwell; not unlike how I felt physically twelve months ago. However I am filled with the spirit of recovery easing many of the psychological difficulties I have experienced. It's going to be another journey! Anyone who knows me well knows how much I dislike any form of travel (apart from being behind a Pannier Tank or Stanier Black Five!) But in 2016 we step forward into a new chapter. Again I will compose my ideas about the future - well actually it's in God's hands!

I've survived!! Unfortunately not little Munchie. He had a great innings and was a sprightly little old chap; even in his last weeks. However he'f lost his physical strength and was blighted with being unable to eat. He lies now with his brother who passed a few years ago. Gone - but certainly not forgotten. They loved the garden and will now appreciate the changed seasons from within. Kym is particularly devastated and needs all our love.

I want to thank all our friends and family for helping us through these difficult times.Keeping mentally well in addition to the physical side is crucial to good quality of life. No doubt we'll need you next year!

One aspect of my being able to sustain good levels of well-being therefore enabling recovery is music. Particular thanks go to the guys and gals who have joined in / tolerated the rough strumming and gruff voices. Music is not only the food of love but of health too.

I knocked up this little video in recognition of you all. It's abit rough but offers promise of better (or worse) things in 2016. Credit to Nick Lowe and Ry Cooder who's song it is. You can hear it properly on Nicks album "Quality Street" or there are several good live versions out there on the old Internet. It's called "A dollar short of happy". I've never bothered too much about money - I've been wealthy in love not money! My health is too precious to get concerned with cash. God will provide what I need - I only fritter and spend on the wrong things - so I can't really be trusted!!

All that remains is to wish you all a happy Christmas and good New Year Celebration. I'm open for offers if anyone wishes to organise my retirement / birthday celebrations here in Luton - I'm left with no energy or imagination - I'm certainly glad I put the effort in when I was sixty. However after all the drugs I'm certain my liver wouldn't survive a bash like that - wow folks we burned our boats then!!!

Much love,

Roger and Kym xxx

Advent adventure - sounds exciting just to get you interested!

Hello dear friends - back on Blogger - however this post is really to launch my "video presentation" describing why I'm hanging up my computer and clipboard at Headway Luton.

There are some "historic" photos of you lot and a fair bit of rambling by me. Please enjoy and leave any feedback. I apologise that I didn't dress up for the occasion - in fact it was really the rehearsal but I couldn't bear to do it again! I'm a lazy so and so. But I've had to change my perfectionist ways due to my current state of health.

More on that: the last few weeks have been somewhat roller-coaster. The fatigue overwhelms quite suddenly and just sucks any energy or motivation I may have. I have been trying to do some things and even simple stuff leaves me somewhat confounded and when I don't achieve what I set out to do - I droop into self-loathing and self pity and drape myself in misery. Ha ha caught you out - I don't!  But, seriously, I'm not what I was and am coming to terms with the new me. Again it's the psychological effects that are causing me more concern. But I have a great helper in Kym - she doesn't allow me to take on stuff and tells me to let it pass by as all will eventually be well.

Any way I suggested that there wouldn't be much to read in this post sos in order to maintain my integrity I am going to do two things - one is to drop in the link to the video

Huxley & Headway

Secondly I want to include a poem which I gleaned from the Healthunlocked CLL forum.
So much of this applies to me and how to live as the new me.

"A Blessing for a Friend on the Arrival of Illness

by John O'Donohue

Now is the time of dark invitation beyond a frontier that you did not expect;

abruptly, your old life seems distant.

You barely noticed how each day opened a path through fields never questioned,

yet expected deep down to hold treasure.

Now your time on earth becomes full of threat; Before your eyes your future shrinks.

You lived absorbed in the day to day, so continuous with everything around you,

that you could forget you were separate;

Now this dark companion has come between you, distances have opened in your eyes,

you feel that against your will a stranger has married your heart.

Nothing before has made you feel so isolated and lost.

When the reverberations of shock subside in you, may grace come to restore you to balance.

May it shape a new space in your heart to embrace this illness as a teacher who has come to open your life to new worlds.

May you find in yourself a courageous hospitality towards what is difficult, painful and unknown.

May you use this illness as a lantern to illuminate the new qualities that will emerge in you.

May the fragile harvesting of this slow light help you to release whatever has become false in you.

May you trust this light to clear a path through all the fog of old unease and anxiety until you feel arising within you a tranquillity profound enough to call the storm to stillness.

May you find the wisdom to listen to your illness: ask it why it came? Why it chose your friendship?

Where it wants to take you?

What it wants you to know?

What quality of space it wants to create in you?

What you need to learn to become more fully yourself that your presence may shine in the world.

May you keep faith with your body, learning to see it as a holy sanctuary which can bring this night-wound gradually towards the healing and freedom of dawn.

May you be granted the courage and vision to work through passivity and self-pity, to see the beauty you can harvest from the riches of this dark invitation.

May you learn to receive it graciously, and promise to learn swiftly hat it may leave you newborn,

willing to dedicate your time to birth."

I plan to be writing again before Christmas. If you miss that post - I wish you a lovely CHristmastime and lets look forward to a peaceful, prosperous and panic-free 2016.

With love,

Roger & Kym