March: comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Or vice versa.

March! Hares? Ides of . ? , winds? Thoughts of Spring, Pancakes, Easter eggs - joyful things. But also Ash Wednesday and Lent - reflective things. So March promises much spiritually - joy and self-examination. And daffodils!

What has been happening in our life experiences during the previous week or so?

Well we went to London ; University College Hospital. What a place that is! You can tell they do lots of research and have lots of wealthy partners. Nice coffee too - Costa I believe - good old Sam Whitbread! In the event I think it best to cut the story to its details.

We were both anxious and thanks to Google Streetview we knew where we were going. We had to be on the train at about 08:00 - I hadn't been out of the house before eleven for two months - what a shock. So many people and sooo cold! Also we had bought the tickets on the previous day so it was straight to the train - avoiding coughing, sneezing and spluttering commuters as we ourselves shuffled in. No nice senior railcard prices or off-peak fares - it cost about sixty quid! Any way we got a fast direct non-stop East Midlands train - all country chat from those wealthy executives traveling down from Wellingborough and Market Harborough. All Geralds, Gervaises and Jemimas. We actually found seats. A short blustery walk along Euston Road being bumped and jostled eventually arriving at the UCLH. Just around the corner is the Macmillan "wing". Nice place! Electronic check-in (which defeated me) smell of fresh coffee and nice perfume. Hey this is a centre of excellence after all. Our nerves were sharply edged.

Eventually the call came and we elevated to the fourth floor. Being received we awaited the call. I was carted off for the prelims by a stunning young nursing assistant of possibly mediterranean heritage. She did the usual - weight, height, blood pressure - she then surprised me by asking for a urine sample. She politely asked would I have any trouble doing this. If she only knew! Job done and a little more waiting in an open room with the most crazy patterned vinyl floor.

After no more than five minutes we were called in to consultation by a charming young man of Australasian background. He did more of the usual - poked, prodded and interrogated. Sitting me down again he explained that there was an understandable mis-interpretation of the diagnose of genetic mutations by the Luton team. It was not such a serious matter after all. Not the death sentence yet! His explanation outlined the best and worst case scenarios and chemo-therapy was again an option. In fact I could chose to have it there. However common-sense kicked in - regards the time, transport and costs - and elected to return to lovely, homely Luton. We'd got to know some of the staff by now and were pleased with their attitude; caring and friendly and clear, plain speaking.

So a blood test and confirmation from the Professor and we we legging it out into the cold, sunny breeze of Euston Square. I suppose relief is slightly over stated in the circumstances - but we felt a big windy gust of it from the revolving doors. It seemed appropriate to have a little mooch in the British Library - full of young folk with MacBooks and small clusters of keenly intent Japanese students and someone Kym recognised from the telly.

Moody folk outside the British Library

A pint and bite of lunch seemed the next treat and Kym carefully shepherded me into the Betjemin pub/diner on St Pancras. Blimey you could feed a family of four at Weatherspoons for a pint and a half and a couple of sandwiches and bowl of fries at the former Poet Laurette's gaf. Nice though - and we were well away from any nasty draughts or folk with bugs. Another nice east Midlands train home and we were sat down on the sofa by three O clock.

Gosh, that was a tale and it was only one day! I was absolutely exhausted the next couple of days. We contacted the Luton & Dunstable Hospital to announce our return to their fold only to be told that Dr Flora was off for the week. However an appointment was made for week commencing Second of March. Another hiatus. Nobody's fault, but it is adding an element of frustration to our circumstances!

We got scared and hid in the computer!

I don't want to bore you with the day to day stuff - days have come and gone, as they do. I haven't always felt poorly. I have felt fatigued and as time has turned - felt a bit depressed and pointless. I know that's only negative mood. We've had a lot of "nothing-doing" and it takes its toll.

Had some great visits - Pete and Sarah. Pete's got another car - he has an eye for the middle-aged Peugeot estate. Nice big car. When they came I was hoping to get the projector out and return to the Fifties and Sixties - but lack of motivation and low energy thwarted that little adventure. I had the same thoughts the following weekend when James was visiting - but I made a scratch pizza and that was it - no energy. Still it lifted our spirits and was well worth the efforts. Sarah had all the goss and cheered us up immensely.

Debbie and Vanessa came to see me and that was a chin wag and a half. It did produce some feelings of guilt - that may be too strong a term. But I was very happy to be with them. I feel sorry that Kym has given up her job to care for me. Not sorry she's here, but sorry she's put her career on hold and has to put up with my business and grumpiness. She's my hero.

Anna has been keeping me on my spiritual, metaphysical and cosmic toes. including some questions about her digital music matters. Truthfully a bit all beyond my pickled and tired brain.

A very kind friend gave me a reiki session. It was quite wonderful. I managed to stay alert, though relaxed through the whole time. I believe I found something of myself again for the rest of the day. I slept pretty well too. I would recommend her to you.

Jayne and Bren kindly made it up from Reading. Great to see them and sad to confess we haven't met up for about eighteen months! I've got to do a bit better in future (when I can) Lovely to catch up with stuff.

Other brief news - we tripped up to Dunstable downs recently, on Sunday afternoon. Boy was it beautiful - but sooo cold and the wind cut me in half. We walked for five minutes or so but I felt unwell, so we returned to the warmth of the car and had a little drive around.

I'm a bit anxious about my employment position as all this poorliness and treatment is going to last a good few months yet. I've started to get some information leading to advice about pension matters. It's so complex. The one thing that I've discovered is that having a serious on-going health condition can increase the amount I might receive. It's a long old job and I'm just starting the ball rolling as I need to have a plan, in due course. To be honest - it took me hours to read and understand the first couple of pages - then they started to ring me - oops mental capacity??

The treatment continues / resumes next week (W/C 9th March). We have appointments most days during the week. The chemo I had started in January will have another cycle (that's at home) and a different drug, administered in hospital will be introduced on another day. I suppose there will be all the anti this and that stuff too. The fantastic Macmillan staff will be on hand and we will get some home visits. I didn't think I would ever be saying - bring on the drugs!!!

Thanks to all our families and friends. Thanks to all at Headway. Thanks especially to Kym for keeping me together.

James is over in Herefordshire - on a retreat - best to read all about it yourselves:-

http://www.dipa.dhamma.org/

Love to all.

Roger and Kym